Personal Touch [Reflection Ten]

This reflection is going to be a bit more of a personal one than the others I've posted. To be completely honest, this has been the hardest, most time-consuming, physically and emotionally draining semester of school I have had in my entire life. Sure, there are many factors that go into that, including friendships, friends leaving on missions, jobs, money, and other things that come at us in life, but my struggle has quite honestly all come back to my attitude toward this major.

I want to be a teacher. That is something I cannot deny. I want to be a technology teacher. That is also something I cannot deny. But when I saw that I would be taking a lot of classes I'm not interested in, in any way [a wood shop class in particular] in order to reach that goal, I was, well, angry. My first thought was, 'Are you kidding me?' Once I got going into the wood shop projects required of me and then realized how much time I would need to put into my other classes on top of 15 hours in the shop each week, I freaked out. Actually, I'm not even sure 'freaked out' does what I felt justice. Regardless, I have to admit that bit by bit over the past eleven weeks my pessimistic attitude has started to improve.  I think it has really leapt up to more of an optimistic one these past two weeks.

The concluding thought in a lecture we recently had was:
Can you afford to be a teacher?
Can you afford not to be a teacher?

Simply, I think that is very powerful. Its aim was more toward the realities of the financial aspect of teaching, but I look at time in place of money. Can I afford to give up a lot of time to be a teacher? Further, can I afford not to? I guess what I'm saying is that I've realized how amazing this major actually is, because of what we are exposed to, and more what we can do with what we are taught. It is not an easy major in my book. Having a job is a hard thing to balance with it. Having a social life is a hard thing to balance with it. Some days, being mentally sane is a hard thing to balance with it. But really, I think it's all going to be worth it.

Jeff LeBaron - a technology teacher in the Davis School District, came and spoke to us today. I watched him get very emotional about the effect he has been able to have on his students. He told us that as technology teachers we have a rare opportunity to make a difference. I found myself almost getting emotional too. I want to make a difference like he is.

Earlier this week I was talking with my Mom about what a hard time I've been having. She gave me words of comfort but said one thing that really touched me. She said, 'Lindsey, wherever you end up, you will make a difference.' I would like to live up to that.

My attitude has changed. My goals have changed. My purpose in doing the hard things I need to do to become a teacher have changed. I'm building a table in woods to have an amazing piece of work that I did all by myself. But I'm also doing it to become a teacher. I'm staying up until 5 in the morning designing a brochure to make it look just the way I want it and get a good grade. But I'm also doing it to become a teacher. I'm becoming a teacher because it is the most important profession out there. I'm becoming a teacher because I am passionate about it. I am becoming a teacher to make a difference.